"It never gets any easier. You just go faster." ---Greg Lemond
"Don't buy upgrades. Ride up grades." --- Eddy Merckx
"You drive like shit." ---The Car Whisperer

6.5.10

Thursday Hate: everybody poops (except you)

People who are embarrassed to poop when someone else is in the restroom.

If you are afraid of making pooping noises in the stall, and therefore are going to sit in there and not make a sound the entire time anyone else is in the men's room, such as when I spent approximately nine minutes changing into my cycling clothes today ...why do you attempt to poop at work in the first place??

So I'm thinking in a high traffic restroom, you've gotta be in there for, what...three, four hours a day? Waiting for whoever else is in there to just leave already so you can free a hostage before the next person walks in? And then wait another 10 minutes to take care of the fart that didn't make it out? God knows when you'll have time to wipe!

"Ewwwwww, gross!!! Someone is shitting and wiping their shitty ass...in the MEN'S ROOM! Oh, my GAWD somebody call Human Resources!"

Do you have low-pooping self-esteem? Do you think you are the grossest pooper ever? As if no one else makes disgusting noises when taking a shit? God I hope not, for your sake. And if you are the grossest pooper ever, then...forget I said anything and I thank you for your prudence.

(Do women do this, too?)

4 comments:

Erik said...

I've witnessed this behavior before, strange indeed.

It's pretty satisfying to walk in, drop a minivan full of kids off at the pool, clean up and walk back out... all the while, the tenative pooper sits there with their cleft asshole in silence. You feel like a proud papa.

Missy said...

Ew, y'all are gross.

What I really hate are the surreptitious poopers who not only hide out the whole time I'm changing clothes but who take MY handicap stall/changing room that's on the far side of the bathroom, forcing me to wriggle out of my clothes in one of the little stalls. Do they think they can hide better in there?

Pankonin said...

Right before my race started a few weeks back, I had to go. Massive BM. The stall had no door. I put on my sunglasses, stared at the wall in front, all while people entered and exited the john.

brianfmorrissey said...

HAHAHAHA. I can just see your stoic face, behind the Rudy's. All work and no play, like your freeing a car crash victim with the Jaws of Life.